I need you
by mydogjazz
Summary: From the Australian show Offspring. An Offspring one-shot set a week after the birth of Zoe at the end of season four. Featuring Nina and Billie Proudman, Patrick Reid and Zoe Proudman-Reid. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE END OF SEASON FOUR!


I need you

I open one eye as I hear her cry, it's 3:12 in the morning, I shut my eye.

I roll over, groaning, "Can you get her, Patrick."

"Oh Neens, I'll get her."

No. Not Patrick.

Billie. Billie's voice.

I feel her get out of the bed and listen to her walk into Zoe's room.

I don't want to open my eyes.

_How can I forget that?_

_How can I forget that he is..._

The tears well up under my eyelids, and I take a deep, trembling breathe.

"I need you," I whisper.

I sit up in bed, and swing my legs over the edge, they hit the floor but I can't get up, by now my whole body is shaking with sobs.

"I need you," I whisper again, "I need you, I need you, I need you!"

I take a deep breath, tears dripping off my nose, splashing onto the floor

_Where are you? _

_Why aren't you here?_

_A hand reaches for mine, his hand. He squeezes my hand and I look up._

_He smiles, a soft, sad smile._

_'Hey,' he whispers, pulling me into him._

_'I miss you so much,' I say, looking into his eyes, my own vision blurring as more tears creep down my face. _

_He entwines his fingers with mine, then pulls up my hand and kisses it. _

_I break down, 'What am I supposed to do without you? How am I supposed to be a mother to our daughter... I need you. I need you!'_

_I bury myself in his chest, his arms wrapped tight around me._

_The feel of him._

_The smell of him. _

"Nina? Neens?" I look around at Billie, holding my crying daughter. I turn back to look at Patrick.

_Not there._

_Just another fantasy._

_Fuck._

_I need you, Patrick._

_I NEED YOU!_

"Neens?" Billie again.

I turn back to her and nod. She walks over, sits down next to me and hands me Zoe.

I rock Zoe gently in my arms, trying to control my breathing.

"Neens, Patrick?" Billie asks quietly.

I reply with a sob, Zoe cries with me. I look down at her tiny precious face, her little nose, her eyes, so like her father's.

"Oh Nina," Billie puts her arm around me.

I keep my eyes on Zoe as I start to talk, "I miss him so much," I feel compelled to talk for the first time in a week, "it hurts. It hurts everywhere, my bones, my heart. I loved- love him so much. I need him here, with me. I need him here, hugging me, holding my hand, kissing me, having his hand on my shoulder," I turn to look at Billie, "I need him, and I need to know he is here! I need him to be in bed, leaning against the wall reading a book. When he did that, I would crawl in and slip under his arm and lean against him. My head would be on his chest and I would listen to the sound of his heart and he would keep reading. Then after a while he would stop look down to give me a quick kiss and smile. And we would just lie together," A shaky, watery smile appears on my face at the memory with fast tears flowing down my cheeks.

I look at Billie, she looks back, so upset by my state. She knows she can't do anything, and she knows she can't say anything.

Nothing can ever fix this. The world will forever be wrong.

I keep talking though, "I miss him all the time, everything feels wrong without him. It all feels so fucking wrong! The only time," I take a deep breath, trying to control my sobs, "the only time when I don't think about him, is when I get lost in her." I look down at Zoe and smile, "I get lost in how utterly wonderful she is, and I forget." I sigh, "Then I remember and the spell breaks."

"I don't know how you're doing this Nina," Billie whispers, tears falling down her own cheeks.

We sit there for a few minutes, the two of us crying silently, while listening to Zoe slowly quieting down.

Once she has I stand up to put her back, "You go back to bed," I tell Billie, "I'll get Zoe to sleep."

I walk into Zoe's room, and rock her slowly, walking around the room, singing softly.

_'Let me take her,' whispers Patrick. I lifts little Zoe out of my arms, and I watch as he holds her, the two of them looking into each other's eyes. Zoe reaches out, and touches Patrick's face, and looks shocked when she feels something. Patrick and I laugh quietly at the expression on her face._

_'C'mon Zoe, settle down so Mummy and Daddy can get some sleep,' Patrick whispers, bobbing her up and down._

_I nod, 'yes, sleep would be good.'_

_Patrick looks at me and smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners._

_As she starts to get sleepy, he passes her back to me, and I carefully put her into the crib._

_We sit on the floor, against the wall, watching Zoe as she starts to fall back asleep._

_'I think I fall more in love with her every time I see her,' Patrick whispers._

_I nod, 'Yeah, I just love her more every day, but each day I love her so much, that I could never love her more, yet the next day, I do.' I turn to smile at Patrick and he laughs, 'does that make sense?' I ask._

_He shakes his head, 'It doesn't make sense, but I get what you mean.'_

_He puts his arm around me and I lean against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, and eventually fall asleep._


End file.
